Failure in Veracruz

10 August 2014, 7:50 a.m. Veracruz

Gus,
I was never complaining about the lack of A/C, really.  I know that A/C is not used everywhere. No complaints.
I just had lots of time to think yesterday and last night. It was wrong for me to think that we are close friends when we haven't even spoken on the phone in five years. Even when you were in Houston, we were never really close, though I perhaps wanted so. And yet I presumed to stay with you after five years when we don't really know each other.
I had to answer about five times yesterday why I was here. Each time I said that you were my friend, people got a blank stare. It's not the languages or the different countries. I just really don't have the right to think that we're good enough friends for me to stay at your house, talk with your friends, take up your time. I'm 15 years older than you and that's getting to be the time when I got to get real.
You did nothing wrong, nor your great family or friends. It was me who made the error.
I've changed my flight and will be leaving today. Please get over your anger, go have fun with your friends, and forget about this. Don't be embarrassed by this. Just tell your friends I got sick and would spend the day in the city or something.
I never did tell you that I'm happy you finished your degree program. I am happy for you, proud of you, and want you to be very successful. You've always worked hard. Now work smart to get what you want.
Give my respects and apologies to your family. You're very fortunate to have people who love you so much.
Best,

[From Gus minutes later]
Hey,
I try to call you like an hour ago , i could as you can see, you are really my friend. I dont know if you heard me on the tables but like i told them, my life has been like that always. I move places, get to know complettly new people and at this stage i dont care anymore. Why?!? Because i dont really have long life friends because i tend to move al around. From all my suposedly friends from houston that i told to come, you are the only one that has come! Do you thing thats not enoght for been one of my best friends? I mean believe me i dont know really know nobody far more yeas than 4... All the important friends that were yesterday had been knowing from less than that. 
I got to know people fron diferent ages, and thats fine. Cintia the one that started me on sandboard is like 45 or so.... Do you think i give a damn???

I told just my really close family about you . why? Because i dont really talk to anybody of whatever. So am sorry for that. I dont know or give a shit for that one that give you the bad look or whatever. You are my friend and thats all i care! 

I told in my job that i wasnt going on monday and tuesday because i had i friend to bee taken care. And i am a tourist guide now, i beg you to let me show you all around mexico. If i fell now on that, im a failer for my life. 

I got the truck from my mom. And she told me to use it, and go wherever and have fun! 

Lets go! Get ur ass up the hotel and let me pick you up where ever you are. I mean aint going to my job om monday and tuesday now ....what am suposed to do xD

Plus u forgot about the bills x)

Come on give a call to the house 9 34 75 73 call just lile that where ever fron the city ;)
Tuesday 12 August 2014 9:33 p.m.

Allison told me that you contacted her. I haven't spoken to her or anyone else since I got back. I did paint the front of the house and will finish tomorrow.

Gus, I really feel bad about ditching you, but you got to believe me it has nothing to do with you. I got your email before I left the hotel and honestly felt so bad. I know I inconvenienced you on several levels  -- your family and friends, your job, your plans. I know this. I don't pretend to know how embarrassed and angry you were. It just had to be done.

I'm not going to be able to explain everything here, but if you're looking for answers, this might be something you can use. Once we talked about something; you've forgotten. I've had two major traumas in my life -- the girl breaking our engagement, and then something that happened about a year before you moved into my place. The first thing -- the girl -- has messed my head up about girls ever since. I don't even bother dating any more. The second thing I can't explain but it really messed me up. I've been seeing psychologists and psychiatrists in and out for years. Those meds I'm taking -- that's only half of them. And though they help me sleep, they're supposed to do more. The other meds I stopped taking a few months ago. I've been diagnosed with severe clinical depression and multiple social anxieties. That's all I'm going to say about that because some people think all that psychology stuff is bullshit. I'm not going to argue about any of it. All I'm saying is that I had hoped that getting away from Houston, hanging with you, seeing Veracruz, etc., would make me feel better. But depression doesn't go away because of geography.

I used to be more dependable with people. I disappoint a lot of people, like you. I purposefully didn't reply to your email because I think that once you get over your anger, you should just forget about me. I'm just sorry.



Messages I found today that he had sent via Google Hangouts, which I had "off" since that Sunday morning.
gus cruz
Heyyy
What hotel ur on ?
Bruce J. Martin
See email. Apologies.
gus cruz
Where u at?
Am up now ;)
Lets go
Look you already spend lots of money on the plane. Just spend a little more , and let me show you all the best places i have found in mexico. If by night you dont like it, i return you to your hotel or the airport for you to leave
Its only going to be us 2 ;D
If you dont want to talk about all this i understard and thats fine. Am not making a big thing on this ;) am fine. So take ur ass up and lets go
I really mean it. Lets go! The days will stard to get hotter and i want to be in cordoba or orizaba by noon.
I didt drunk last night so am fine with my driving, if you dont trust me ill let you drive ;)
As long as you broght you USA drivers licens
Answers back, i will take a quick shower
If you want to keep going by tomorrow we will go up cofre de perote, and the to volcansillo. After at night will pobably end up in xalapa the main capital.
After that we will hit carrizal hot spring waters and the to xico waterfalls
Search for everthing that we are doing and tell me if its not going to be fine?
Thats my plan for the next two days. I know you like nature more than the city thats why i think you are going to love those places
Sorry for not telling you that yesterdar but i was still thinki g where to go and i so i had a bussy day x)
Am taking a shower
XB
I be ready in about 5 min. Since i have to take the tables and the sound system to my moms house.
After that we are free to do whatever.
If you want to do something else let me know ;)
gus cruz
Ok what ever LISTEN
take a trip to the naval museum, visit the acuarium, these two have a/c. Eat a bolovan. Later take a taxi to the cementary.
Whenever you want to go back to take your plane take a special cap from the hotel or any hotel.
Am not waisting these two days... So am leaving veracruz in about an hour taking my mom and will be back because of her by night time
We will head up to cordoba and orizaba
Have a nice trip back :D you are my friend and that chilli poder was the best gift i got :)
Even if you dont believe me ;)
gus cruz
Hey chuck im really worried about you now , please let me know if your okay ... I understand how u feel .. Iguess .. But just let me know that ur okay!
gus cruz
All right if in less than 24 hrs you dont respond i will contact
If I die, contact Allison Wright, alaubachwright@gmail.com, (US) 512.228.0582
To tell her that you are lost or something
And will start calling the federal cops and enbasy
gus cruz
So sad that you left... This was going to be the bucket list that i had prepare for you know i mexico .

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