A Climber of Trees (Private)

At least tell me why you hate me so much. I think I may deserve that; something about respect. Because the gross silence is only an indication of hate, nothing more. Tell me why I'm such a bad person, because that's what I'm feeling. If I can't even hold onto a friendship with another guy, then I have to be so ugly and corrupt that I can't/shouldn't even venture for any real friendships or other relationships. That's what I'm feeling. I imagine that you've blocked all my messages, or changed all your contact points, just to ignore me; so this message is in vain. But I still hold out hope that there's something that might make you stop the mocking and derisive laughter -- the jokes you tell your real friends about me and all the shit we did together -- stop the mocking and pick up the phone and just talk. I know you have better friends up there. I know you have good family up there. These things I can't replace. But I keep telling myself...

Hope the DVDs got to you; I insured them, so if anything is missing, should get something back. I'm frustrated, you can imagine. I just want our friendship to resume, like it was. We lived in the same house for nearly a year, did lots of stuff together, talked about lots of stuff, road trips, camping, all over Harris Co, a few minor illegal things -- I thought we had a good friendship going. You took care of me when I was sick; I took care of you when you were sick. I trusted you with everything. I'm only saying this because I liked that, needed that. That you're not talking to me is hard. Honestly, if you had been killed in an accident, I wouldn't feel any worse than I do now. I apologize for that image, but that's how hard it is. I didn't have any real friends for the past year except for you, and you've been the best of friends. We had problems, but I think real friends do have problems. Even until the day before you left for OK, we were enjoying each...