to JLD 16 May

Hope the DVDs got to you; I insured them, so if anything is missing, should get something back.

I'm frustrated, you can imagine. I just want our friendship to resume, like it was. We lived in the same house for nearly a year, did lots of stuff together, talked about lots of stuff, road trips, camping, all over Harris Co, a few minor illegal things -- I thought we had a good friendship going. You took care of me when I was sick; I took care of you when you were sick. I trusted you with everything. I'm only saying this because I liked that, needed that.

That you're not talking to me is hard. Honestly, if you had been killed in an accident, I wouldn't feel any worse than I do now. I apologize for that image, but that's how hard it is. I didn't have any real friends for the past year except for you, and you've been the best of friends. We had problems, but I think real friends do have problems. Even until the day before you left for OK, we were enjoying each other -- I got you that planner, we laughed about stuff in it, etc. I miss all that.

I know you've got more interesting friends up there, you always did. And I know I'm not the most interesting guy to hang around with. But you tolerated that and we still managed to trust each other and rely on each other and enjoy doing stuff together and talking to each other. I'm sorry -- really sorry -- for everything I've done to hurt you, because I know I have. I'm not asking you to move down here again -- I want only what's best for you, really. I just want us to be friends again.

I've tried to show you in the past month that I'll do anything to regain that friendship. And I will -- I WILL DO ANYTHING -- ANYTHING -- to regain that friendship that we had. If you want me to drive up there to talk, I will. If you want me to fly you down here so we can talk face to face, I'll do that. Anything else you ask, I'll do. That's how important this friendship has been to me over the past year. That's how much I still trust you and miss talking to you.

I know you think I'm being pathetic, and I am. You know I made decisions to cut people out of my life, so your silence is exactly the irony and judgment I deserve. But I hope you're bigger than I've been, and you can forgive me and help me undo the harm I've done to you. I just want to be friends like we used to be -- sometimes stupid together, talking about crazy shit together, challenging each other in a lot of ways. You've been the best thing for me as a guy friend that I've had in a long time.

So please, consider it. Let me know. At the very least, find a safe place in the past of our friendship that we can go back to and build again from a place that you're comfortable with. This means a lot to me.

Chuck

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