Anger Management
Went for 3 mile walk this morning; it;'s been nearly a week. I walked about 3 miles while in Memphis, but nothing since. My weight has gone down, but not as quickly as I had intended; I'm still too lax on the calories. Eating out with Sam and Eduardo this week didn't help.
It's difficult for me to convince myself to do anything physical ... always coming up with some excuse. It's difficult, for example, to go walking in the heat of the afternoon after I return from HCC; then I tell myself that I should go walking in the evening, but by 8pm I start to get sleepy, and it's still light out. I need to be invisible.
But I put on my hiking shoes (I'm glad I bought those; that was not a wasted investment, like many of my purchases) and went out. On the way back, two medium-size dogs found me and wanted to tag along. I thought they belonged to a woman behind me, but they weren't hers. They were friendly dogs -- one black and one brown -- but I was already concerned about them getting lost from their regular territory.
Then we encountered the mean Hispanic lady. She had her two or three little dogs, and one of these follower dogs jumped the ditch and chased her dogs. The dog wasn't aggressive, but the woman of course overreacted and started yelling at me to leash my dogs. I tried to tell her once that they weren't my dogs, but she didn't hear.
I've run into her before, several times. Sometimes she's walking or jogging along the ditch with her dogs, always unleashed. I don't mind -- it's a very open area and dogs should be able to run. Years ago, however, she would confront me while walking Elvis and Rox, even once threatening to call the cops because I didn't have my dogs on a leash (she wasn't even walking that time; she drove up, stopped, called me over, and then threatened me). Other dog-walkers have complained to me about her.
This time, I threw up my hands and yelled across the 40 feet of open ditch, "They're not my dogs!" She told me again to leash my dogs and I yelled, "You're stupid! They're not my dogs!" Of course, I shouldn't have called her stupid (but she is). I turned away and continued walking. She shouted, "You don't have to insult me. God bless you. Have a blessed day."
Of course I shouldn't have called her stupid. I shouldn't have let my anger get the best of me. I could perhaps try to rationalize what I did, but it was wrong. I feel badly.
I don't yell at people. I don't yell at students; I don't yell at UH people; I don't yell at friends; I don't yell at motorists (I vocally criticize them, but never yell). I don't know why I had to yell, and I certainly don't know why I insulted a woman in person. I've been more and more emotionally .... uncontrolled? lost? depressed? ... lately. I miss Mark, but I won't say that to anyone. I've made mad decisions with other people recently. I was emotional leaving Memphis last week. I'm frustrated with money and with UH. I don't feel in control of anything, physically, financially, socially any more. I feel like there's no reason to continue living except to care for Rox. I shouldn't have insulted that woman. I need help. Or I need to quit.
It's difficult for me to convince myself to do anything physical ... always coming up with some excuse. It's difficult, for example, to go walking in the heat of the afternoon after I return from HCC; then I tell myself that I should go walking in the evening, but by 8pm I start to get sleepy, and it's still light out. I need to be invisible.
But I put on my hiking shoes (I'm glad I bought those; that was not a wasted investment, like many of my purchases) and went out. On the way back, two medium-size dogs found me and wanted to tag along. I thought they belonged to a woman behind me, but they weren't hers. They were friendly dogs -- one black and one brown -- but I was already concerned about them getting lost from their regular territory.
Then we encountered the mean Hispanic lady. She had her two or three little dogs, and one of these follower dogs jumped the ditch and chased her dogs. The dog wasn't aggressive, but the woman of course overreacted and started yelling at me to leash my dogs. I tried to tell her once that they weren't my dogs, but she didn't hear.
I've run into her before, several times. Sometimes she's walking or jogging along the ditch with her dogs, always unleashed. I don't mind -- it's a very open area and dogs should be able to run. Years ago, however, she would confront me while walking Elvis and Rox, even once threatening to call the cops because I didn't have my dogs on a leash (she wasn't even walking that time; she drove up, stopped, called me over, and then threatened me). Other dog-walkers have complained to me about her.
This time, I threw up my hands and yelled across the 40 feet of open ditch, "They're not my dogs!" She told me again to leash my dogs and I yelled, "You're stupid! They're not my dogs!" Of course, I shouldn't have called her stupid (but she is). I turned away and continued walking. She shouted, "You don't have to insult me. God bless you. Have a blessed day."
Of course I shouldn't have called her stupid. I shouldn't have let my anger get the best of me. I could perhaps try to rationalize what I did, but it was wrong. I feel badly.
I don't yell at people. I don't yell at students; I don't yell at UH people; I don't yell at friends; I don't yell at motorists (I vocally criticize them, but never yell). I don't know why I had to yell, and I certainly don't know why I insulted a woman in person. I've been more and more emotionally .... uncontrolled? lost? depressed? ... lately. I miss Mark, but I won't say that to anyone. I've made mad decisions with other people recently. I was emotional leaving Memphis last week. I'm frustrated with money and with UH. I don't feel in control of anything, physically, financially, socially any more. I feel like there's no reason to continue living except to care for Rox. I shouldn't have insulted that woman. I need help. Or I need to quit.